So maybe the rest of you have a light-filled, translucent faith that inhales air and exhales incense, but mine has definite elements of concrete/granite composite. I embrace that in a "bulwark never failing" kind of way, but when you were a kid, did you ever turn over random cinder blocks? You know all those disgusting bugs that swarmed underneath? Well, there are parts of my faith that are like that. Until recently I was content to leave well enough alone, but now I'm wearing boots and really need to flip things over. As a season of penitential preparation, Lent seems like an excellent time to do it.
There are so many facets of my belief to which I've never given good, honest thought. I read an incredible book over the summer that exploded my pedestrian understanding of the Eucharist, and that made me realize how much more there is to unpack. Redemption: what does that really mean? How does it play itself out in Jesus' life and death, and how does it play out in my life? Forgiveness: I've spent some time thinking about what it means that God forgives me, but where do I need to work on forgiving others? (Furthermore: is it possible to forgive while still acknowledging/maintaining healthy boundaries? What does that look like?)
And then there's the whole evil thing. I went for years not believing in hell at all, but adhering to the idea that heaven is a school that admits everyone and offers a chance to start over and re-learn whatever they screwed up while alive (with Hitler as a preschooler, and Mother Theresa a professor emeritus or emerita or however Latin would have me spell it). Now, however, I see that as the afterlife equivalent of those recipes that try to make real cookies out of SmartBalance and Truvia: complete BS, with a chemical aftertaste. But what does the notion of hell actually mean, then?
Continuing on down that road, is there an actual Satan? What's the Jewish notion of life after death (positive and negative, if there is that division) and how does it compare to the Christian notion? When did the idea of evil personified develop, historically? I've asked someone for help in figuring out these and other questions, and hope to relate some of that here.
Are there crusty underpinnings to your own belief system? What do you need to pick at or scrape away?
4 comments:
Dude. Those are some intense questions!
I do want to comment on one of your questions: I do positively believe that there is a Satan and he has demons. I have heard their voices whispering to me, trying (and sometimes succeeding) to get me to go down a path I know is wrong. And it is only by speaking to them out loud that I can get them to leave me alone.
What was the name of the book on the Eucharist? I'd love to read it!
Wendy, It's called With Burning Hearts: A Meditation on the Eucharistic Life, and it's by Henri Nouwen. I borrowed it but ended up copying enormous swaths of it in my notebook (I need to buy a c copy). Reading it was an intense experience, to put it mildly.
Your question about whether one can forgive and still maintain healthy boundaries reminded me of a book (one of many) I started but need to finish: Bold Love by Dan Allender. I have wrestled with this question, and I don't think it has a simple answer, but I love this guy and I think he really treats it with the gravity it deserves (especially in situations of very unhealthy relationships and abusive, manipulative people. How do I deal with my hurt, love the person in a real, non-fluffy way, without letting their continued sin control me? Yeah, no idea). As I recently heard someone say, "real love has fiber." I like that. Anyway, kudos to tackling the slimy underbelly and hard questions! That takes cojones!
I've been thinking about your comment since you left it, Erin, and you phrase it so much better than I did. Will check out that book (as an aside, I will be dead and buried before I get done all of the reading I need to do, for TRUES) and I also like "real love has fiber."
Post a Comment