Still Nothing.

So we should be hearing about the job any minute. "Soon after the July 4th weekend, or possibly earlier" was what we were told-- it's 12:57 plus or minus on Monday the 5th, and we're both crazy people. Realistically, I'd say we have until Tuesday before giving up, but it's hard not to think that the committee rolled into a conference room at 10:00 this morning with wet hair and Starbucks and somebody else to congratulate.

Last night, we walked about 50 laps up and down the sidewalk in front of our house while Eva slept, trying to figure out exactly where we go from here if the answer is no. I posted before that the degrees we both earned seemed to right at the time, so how could we regret them? Well, at this point, we both absolutely do.

This VA job we're waiting to hear about is a bit of a fluke in that it's at a university and requires a Ph.d, but is not tenure-track-- essentially perfect for someone who got no bites on the tenure-track market. Otherwise, though, it's been five years that we've been on this hellish job search, and the Ph.d has garnered us nothing at all, other than Mr. Milkweed's current (dead end) job.

It's even more clear that I made a mistake in choosing my own graduate program now that libraries are being flushed down the toilet. I've treasured every moment I've been with Eva, but knocking myself from a professional, full-time position into a paraprofessional, part-time position was an objectively terrible career move. It was a good one emotionally and personally-- I was/am burned out after almost nine years in the same department of the same library doing pretty much the same exact things-- and I don't want to make a lifelong career in the building where I work now, but the odds of a future for me in a public library are very, very low. It wasn't clear that was the case when I quit my full-time job, but it's clear now.

Our plan at this point is to abandon any and all semblance of choosing where we want to live within VA and have Mr. Milkweed apply for high school teaching jobs absolutely everywhere next year. Big towns, small towns, counties, even in Danville-- despite what I said here. In the meantime, he's going to take the prereqs he needs for an M.Ed (which he can do for free where he works now), and when he's finished with those, we're going to take out loans for him to get an M.Ed at another local school (since his current employer won't allow him to work full-time and enroll in their M.Ed program). We'll have another kid while we're here, and I'll hold onto my job as long as I have one (it's up to the Governor and the General Assembly at this point).

With any luck, at some point in the next couple of years a high school will take Mr. Milkweed on and maybe even help pay for his M.Ed. Soon after, I'll start taking classes towards my own M.Ed and certification so that I can teach (or be a school librarian, if there are any left in the world at that point. Most school systems are cutting corners now by either eliminating those positions, or making them volunteer or teachers' aide jobs). I'm thinking I might want to do early elementary.

And slowly, eventually, we'll build on our jealously guarded nest egg and make a downpayment on a house. We'll be able to make car payments once the Ford bites the dust. We'll be able to afford a ballet or art lesson or two, and nobody will be peeling hand me down, back-to-school wardrobes out of an overstuffed trash bag, like I used to. Huge priority: to end up better off and manage resources in a much smarter way than the household I grew up in.

Things aren't going to work out the way we thought they would (Big, Enormous Asterisk to the Universe: Unless Mr. Milkweed gets this job we're waiting on, HINT OH FREAKING HINT HINT), but we do have a plan to move us forward.

I have to say, though: I REALLY, REALLY want us to get this job. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY. I'm so tired of awkward pauses after I say the same exact thing I've been saying about Mr. M's job search for five long years-- "Oh, no, this one or that one fell through, but we're still trying"-- while I'm sure that everyone privately wonders what the hell is taking so long already, and doesn't know what to say about it anymore.

Yeah. It'd be super great to leave all that behind.